How can you Rebuild a Marriage After Infidelity?

One of the most common challenges couples come to therapy with is infidelity. Whether it’s one partner or both that cheated, it leaves a lasting negative impact on a relationship when not truly dealt with, even if the infidelity happened years ago.

The definition of an affair varies between partners or couples. An emotional affair is still considered infidelity for some people, despite the absence of a physical connection. But, if your partner cheats, what should you do?

• Give yourself all the time, room and space to process the infidelity.
• Have open and honest conversations about how you both feel when you both can truly hear it.
• Remind yourself that even though this happened, you are still enough.
• Remind yourself that everything you feel is valid, and you can allow all of it room and space to be.
• Remind yourself that it’s completely normal and okay for your insecurities to be louder as a result.

Marriage counseling or couple therapy aims to help couples understand each other, resolves conflicts, and improve the couple’s relationship overall.

Here are reasons to seek marriage counseling after an affair:

• Come to understand how it happen.
• Learn to communicate rather than act out your dissatisfactions.
• Learn to work together to re-build trust and a better relationship.
• Argue in a healthier way.

AT BCA Therapy, we have trained marriage and family therapists that can help you get through the toughest points in a relationship! Couples in therapy can expect that both sides will be heard.

Protect Yourself from a Narcissist!

What is important to a narcissist is CONTROL. A narcissist needs control over the situation they’re in. Whether that’s in a relationship, in a social scenario, or something else, a narcissist will manipulate the circumstances to maintain control.

Here are ways to handle a narcissist:

1. Set Boundaries. Make sure to let the narcissist know what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with. Just because they don’t care about their boundaries, doesn’t mean you don’t care about your own boundaries. SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES!
2. Don’t Engage Emotionally. It is easier to protect yourself from a narcissistic rage if you are out of their reach. You just block a narcissist on social media and change your phone number. But unfortunately, it’s not always possible for everyone, such as ex-spouses who are stuck in co-parenting. If you are in a similar situation hold your inner composure. Stay calm and don’t take it personally. Image you are separated by a mental wall from a narcissist and only use dry facts when talking to them. [1]
3. Ignore them. Ignore their rudeness, it gives them no satisfaction, and then they won’t be rude to you and move onto someone else.
4. Protect yourself. It is your right to protect yourself and your happiness. Don’t feel wrong because you blocked a narcissist out of your life. They hurt you and did not care how you feel in the first place. Remind yourself that!
5. Don’t fight them, it will make the situation worse. Don’t fight a narcissist, as there is no win when fighting a narcissist. They enjoy fighting, and their goal is to control you. They won’t let you have an opinion, and they are always right. Fighting a narcissist is a win for them, and a loss for you.
6. Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and kindness. Be an example for your kids, friends and family. [2]

How can therapy help you with narcissistic abuse recovery?

• Therapy can help you address acute symptoms (self-care, boundaries, and cognitive dissonance).
• It can help you with a divorce from a spouse, who was/is a narcissist.
• Therapy can help provide you with tool and homework for your recovery.
• It can also help identify narcissistic behaviors that are causing problems in your life.
• It will help you exercise your mind.
• It also can offer guidance to help you heal.

If you are looking for therapist that treats narcissistic abuse recovery, gaslighting, trauma, and PTSD. BCA Therapy has therapist that specialize and treat this. Visit BCA Therapy, to learn more about our therapist and schedule an appointment today. Let’s DO THE WORK and recover. We are here with you every step of the way during your recovery.

Sources:

[1] How To Protect Yourself From A Narcissist | Arcadian Counseling

[2] 8 Tips to Protect Yourself From a Narcissist | Psychology Today

Building Confidence in Your Children!

As a parent, it is important to make sure our children are feeling confident. But how do we do that? Here are some tips on how to build confidence in your children.

1. Setting Goals for your children. You can do this by establishing short-term SMART goals. SMART goals provide the detail, support, guidance children. 
   1. S: Specific: This will help them get extremely detailed about the goals they set.
   2. M: Measurable: Will help them keep track of their goals.
   3. A: Attainable: Make sure to set achievable goals that are challenging but are reachable goals.
   4. R: Realistic: Make sure their goals are at least within reason. Setting realistic goals can be done by little successes. Not all goals have to be achieved at one time. Just like recovery small steps matter. This will give children self-esteem and give them the confidence they need to strive for bigger goals.
   5. T: Timely: Help your children break their goals down into smaller steps to get there.
2. Don’t get upset at your children’s small mistakes. Mistakes are powerful and can be used as learning tool. When you increase children comfort making mistakes, you’ll build their willingness to think outside the box and interpret information with wider perspective. Help your children recognize they’ll build the confidence, problem-solving perseverance, and creatively by understanding that mistakes can be brain boosters.
3. Decreasing the negative chatter from your children. Encourage children to stop talking negative about themselves, saying I can’t do something, or saying I am terrible at something. Enforce to them they can do something they put their mind to and work hard to achieve. Also, reinforce to your children that you can get better at something by studying and reading more in school, practicing at something they are good at for example, sports or a musical instrument. By doing this, they will improve!
4. Be a good role model for your children. If you want your children to be confident, you will also have to do everything that you are preaching to your children. You will have to be confident as well, set goals for yourself, not talk negative around your children, and improve on your mistakes and apologize for your wrong-doings and grow from them. Your children will follow you in the way in which you behave and by your actions. Be a role model!
5. Make sure your children don’t get upset about their mistakes. You want to make sure they grow from their mistakes, and don’t make the same mistake next time. If they continue to be upset about their mistakes, and don’t do anything to fix the mistakes. The mistakes will continue to happen. Do something to fix those mistakes, to be confident you don’t make the same mistakes again.

At BCA Therapy, we have therapist who are experience in family therapy and children/teen therapy. If you are looking for a therapist learn more about our team by, click here. We have therapist who can support your needs in Yardley, PA and Wayne, PA.

Sources:

Use SMART Goal Setting to Build Self-Esteem in Kids (mysouthernhealth.com)

What to Do When Mistakes Upset Your Kids | Psychology Today